Its almost 4 months since i have last arrived in cambodia. I miss switzerland, it was definitely the experience of a lifetime. I hate cambodia, i hate how things are going, i hate how the things here works, i hate the people here.

The work here, there people here are not motivated. I am the type who hates to motivate others while i prefers when people are running, it will definitely give me the encouragement to do more things. It really takes discipline to be here.

Frankly speaking, i dont want to drink every night.. i probably will.

anyway

I HATE THE LIFE HERE.

We have many things in life that we cannot understand.

I just need someone to listen.

My heart is like a river water now, mixed with mud and stones. I am not confused but its so tainted that i don't know anymore is the water is clean.
Everyday situation never leads to anything good. I have lost so many people and it is ok, what's worst is that i am still losing.
I've lost my freedom, i've lost my love, the only thing i have got now is a broken song and my family.

I don't know if it will do fine but i am living, so i will keep telling myself its fine.

You'll be fine PL.

Hey whats up livejournal, been awhile. I was deleting my junk mails, i had like over thousands of junk mails (You guys probably do too, dont lie), probably from a year back i don't know. My action was to just click "check all" and "delete all", didn't even read the title of the emails. So after deleting, the "read" emails appear and i saw livejournal. "WOW" i thought to myself, i have totally forgotten about this place.

So i came and started reading the old posts, i suppose its been about 4 years since my o levels. Its quite freaky to feel how time passes. I mean those were the moments of life and now, i am 24 and working. When i started livejournal, it was actually an escape from blogspot, from many things in life. Obviously one of those things was to get over the break up.

Funny how now i am actually back to the same situation again. My life, when it comes to girls, its totally dramatic and never ends well. Then again, i cannot life without them. So i keep motivating myself by saying some cool quotes like "What's life with troubles" -.-

I knew all the way exactly what to do in life, i knew how things work. I just never have the strength to do it, there is/was always external or internal factors. Like now, i am supposed to be focused with my work, but instead, i cannot stop thinking about her every single day, hell its 5 am and i haven't even slept.
These insomnia days, even though i got used to it even when i am in secondary sch, it is still taking a toll on me.

I have a feeling i will probably die young -.-
Also, WHEN THE FUCK IS DIABLO 3 COMING OUT. FUCK.

Going to play some counter strike and work later.
Update later.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VENICE CAME OUT!
i feel that i will do alright for SS,maybe i can get an A2?or B3!hahaha,however much it is iam just happy that i will pass,like finally!
There's still sciences tomorrow and DnT,well after that its going to be....HOLIDAY!
Somehow it ended so fast.I kept thinking what should i do for the holiday,i mean isnt it too long?I guess it will get boring.Oh well,at least i dont have to be afraid of sitting in the hall sweating!

I can never overcome this actions can i?
you are clueless.

Physic was aye.Obviously the moderation will be high,so iam not hoping for much. (:

So here's a scene from American Gangster.

Main actor walk towards a guy who was a bigshot and once told the main actor that if he come and work(open the door,clean shoes) for him,he will pay 20% tip.Main actor was the bodyguard of a man who everyone looked up to,the man of the city,until he died.
Infront of the whole crowd(they were in the market),main actor took out his gun and point it against the bigshot's head.
(the bigshot stole money from the main actor after the death of the great man)

Bigshot:"what?your gonna shoot me infront of these people?ha."
Main actor smiled.
"BANG!"
Bigshot fell to the ground as the crowd panic and ran about.
Main actor threw a $1 as a 20% tips on the dead guy and walked back to have his breakfast/luch/whatever.

HAHAHA,man if only iam as decisive as him.Anyway its base on a true story of a guy who sells heroine in the america.He was supplied 3/4 of heroine in the america back then,that's just crazy. -.- He earn more than 1million a day.IMAGINE!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frank_Lucas_%28criminal%29

shed no tears,spare no thoughts,just do it!
never regret. (:

monday and tuesday and way away iam going!

So i had my chinese paper today,i really have to say,this paper is much easier than the june's paper!Hopefully i can get better grade eventhough iam not using my chinese to get anywhere. -.- and i decided that i will leave poa behind.
Oh and here's something that i thought is funny,its stiill funny to me!
So i was almost late for the paper then just nice i came in when the instructor said "past the barcode on the booklet."
And i actually heard "place the barpok on the booklet!"
LOLOLOLOLOLOL,i was laughing while iam doing my paper.(the people beside must be thinking iam crazy.BUT IT REALLY IS FUNNY!!!)


zzz,dont call me lame.

so i dont know whether i should sit for my POA paper.I mean i can sit if i want to but iam way too lazy to study and what if the questions appeared before me are the questions that i dont know?Furthermore,i have my DnT which can help me.
I just heard from da sao that hospitality in TP is like 11pts,wtf?how the fuck.
this is getting good -.-


After years of dreaming,i finally have a chance to take a glimpse and she smiled. (:
a second but great.

After much thoughts,i have finally decided to go somewhere.Hospitality is what i want.And after much checking,the course is only offered in temasek poly!So i guess iam heading there then.(i hope there's chio bu there)
Still its not guaranteed though,cos Hospitality is like a HOT course,i dont know if i can squeeze in. -.- so ya,after all the time bitching about going to junior college is just crap.I mean going there is sure a nice thing but a person like me will never last there.(well maybe last longer than 3 years)The fact is that iam not cut out for A's and i know it.Iam not the type who sits down behind the book for the whole day nor am i the type who got soo stressed up til i feel my life is just fucked up.What i want to gain is experiences,maybe with attachment,i can learn even more from what the books says.Well,with my current result,thinking of joing a jc is way over myself.I dont know,whatever it is,i had made a choice. (:
At the end of it all,it will just come down to " Do i regret taking this road?"
we are the judge!

So i saw shiying twice in two days.She sure look like xinying!The way she walk,the way she speak.hahaha,memories just flies back to me when i thought of that.Anyway though she cannot see this but goodluck for your A level and xinying goodluck for you O level!(yes they both are sisters and they are taking two of the biggest national exams,cool huh?)

Have you ever felt that you belong to something or some group?That you have been without it for so long,you almost forgot about it?
I miss speaking in khmer,yes i do.It has occured to me that i have been speaking either english or chinese for like 3 years straight,i do speak khmer but just few sentences.
Iam ashamed for almost forgetting a language that is in my blood.I finally feel like being around cambodians,speaking the language of my own.
Have i lost the sense of where iam from?

Anyway i have been around with my brother these days,apparently he came back for some reason which i do not know.He is leaving tomorrow and i sure am going to miss the presence of him.(no iam not gay.)We had dinner at yio chu kang just now,the usual place.I saw a few new faces who just came to singapore to study.They sure are young and well,only speak khmer!hahaha.
Being around them it suddenly strike me that iam now one of the eldest.The people who are elder than me are either in their university and overseas.I feel so brotherly,like i know how they feel how it is to be alone in singapore and how it is that they miss their parent.I feel like i have to be a good example,was that how my brother felt?
is that why he abandoned almost everything just to be a good example?
For me i have no idea what's it is like.
Whatever it is,i should start resting now!With 3 papers in my hand,tomorrow is sure a tiring day!

Goodluck to all olevel candidates out there!Use the right tense tomorrow!!HAHA.
goodnight.

I KNOW ITS WEIRD THAT IAM WRITING MY SECOND ENTRY IN ONE DAY BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?!!?

IAM JSUT HAPPY THAT IAM NO LONGER HAVE TO SEE TRIGO OR WHATEVER SHIT AND IAM HAPPY THAT MY SUCKY CHEMISTRY HAD PASS!!!WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. AND ALSO IAM GOING TO MISS THIS OLEVEL TIMING! ITS SO DAMN GREAT!

GOODNIGHT. (: